When something upsetting happens and you go along with that first rush of adrenaline, your brain will begin to send you every thought and memory possible to validate your anger and frustration. So, within seconds, as the adrenaline begins to course through your veins, you are completely captivated. It will feel as if you are one with the emotion.
We find it very difficult to separate from it in those first few moments, but our interpretation of it is an illusion. We are not those emotions; they are not accurate. They don’t reflect reality as much as they reflect our overblown perspective of it at that moment.
When anger does overtake you, always remember that you are almost never upset for the reason you think you are. Only after you calm down will you see the truth, and it will almost always have its root in some kind of fear.
When you get upset your brain knows that you need something at that moment, so you may experience a hundred images in seconds, giving rise to anger, frustration, self-pity, and loneliness that support and validate your current belief about the situation. This can happen quickly especially if you are disappointed by someone close to you.
The next time someone does something to upset you, see if you can spot how many “blaming” memories flood in to validate your outrage toward the person. You will have to be fast because the memories will be there in under a second yelling “Pick me! Hey, over here! I can prove he did that on purpose. I can show you that she really doesn’t care.” The next thing you know is that you have become angrier at the person than the situation warrants.
Remember, your brain is programmed to ignore any information that would disprove your violated feeling. Yes, your brain LIES to you!
Thankfully, making even a little progress in this area will yield big results. When you feel rattled, just taking a long deep breath at the beginning of the upheaval will change your chemistry enough to stay present. You need to remind yourself that you are not going to die from this or that, and you need to place the blame where it really belongs-with that lying brain of ours!